There's Nothing Wrong With Being Certain;There is Nothing Right With Being Wrong

Yesterday I was sitting in the park with an old poker buddy of my mine, and I was telling him about that delightful young woman who wanted me to have a relationship with Jesus. I said that I told the young lady that I am not much for that homosexual thing. He told me that was no way to talk about Jesus. Henry is a good man, but he isn’t much for a sense of humor, especially when it comes to poker. I was never sure which I enjoyed more, taking his money or listening to him bemoan the loss. So he starts in on how all these Jesus people have poisoned the country with all their stubborn certainty about what is right and what is wrong, which is kind of funny given that it was Henry’s stubbornness that was primarily responsible for his lousy poker playing. Anyway, I never said that to the woman, it was just something I said to Henry to lighten things up on a windy late autumn day in the park; I should have known better.

He starts in on Bush, which is his fall back for any negativity that he runs out of things to express himself about. He says that if Bush is a Christian than Henry is a horse’s ass. I told him that I had to admit that both of those things couldn’t be true, but it went right over his head. So he tells me that he’ll be damn if he’s ever going to vote for someone who is certain of himself after what Dubya has done to this country. So I ask him if having some doubting Thomas for president would be an improvement, and he asks me whether I’m defending the bastard. I tell him he knows better than to think I would defend the moron, but that it isn’t his certainty that makes him a moron, and he tells me he thinks I should think that one over a little given what’s been going on in this country. So I tell him that he knows I am a Democrat, but that I am still waiting for one of them to say something in a way that convinces me they are convinced about it.

So I tell him that there is plenty that I am certain about. I am certain that Social Security is one of the best things that ever happened to this country. I tell him that I am certain that we should all be ashamed of ourselves that the richest country in the world doesn’t provide healthcare to everybody. I tell him I am utterly certain that my Maggie was the finest woman who ever lived, and that I am with out a doubt certain that Henry could not play poker to save his life. So you see certainty is the one thing George and I have in common. Where we differ, and this is important, is that virtually everything I am certain about happens to also be right, and just about everything that moron is certain about is most assuredly wrong. There is nothing wrong with being certain; it’s just that there is nothing right about being wrong.

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